You Had Me at Friskies
by devoosha
Summary: Part 7 of the ongoing "Keith is an Artist and Lance is a Grad Student" series. This is sort of the first part of the series as told by Keith's cat, Red. I was inspired by a reader who I heard loved Red's character and the idea popped into my head to do this. It practically wrote itself and I smiled the whole time. I hope you enjoy!


**You Had Me at Friskies**

A nice long stretch. That was what he needed. But he was cramped at the moment. Not that it was a bad thing, necessarily. In point of fact, he was quite comfortable. To be fair, he always felt this sense of security and safety, wedged up against His Human. Only now there was this added comfort in his New Human.

As a magnificent specimen of felines, Red knew he deserved the attention and adoration of more than one human. SOME cats could get away with one. Some heathen cats with none, though a small shudder ran through his body at that thought. Hunting out your own food? Like a savage of old? No, Red was much more civilized and advanced than that, so adding another human to his harem seemed like the next logical step, now that he had his dark-and-light human trained so well.

No one ever fit the bill, however. Red, of course, was picky. Truly not just anyone could be deemed worthy of his condescension? The dark-and-light one was, naturally. Red sensed right away that this human would serve his needs perfectly. The Human-From-Before at their other home? Not so much. Red had to put that taller human in his place with a few well-aimed swipes of his noble paw. Hisses and growls generally worked as well until that human learned to KEEP AWAY. Only his beautiful human, with dark-and-light fur and dark eyes, was allowed close to him.

Red was happy when His Human took him away. Granted, the house they used to live in was nice. It was big with many nooks and crannies to hide in when Red wanted peace and quiet. That was a nice thing. And there was a wonderful spot in the Big Room there that housed a sunspot every afternoon that felt very nice to lie in. But it was even nicer to be alone with His Human. Their new home was small, but Red adapted quickly and was soon in charge of their domain, where he ruled as only a noble cat can.

His Human was the best, he modestly thought. Worthy of Red's choice, to be honest. Red knew he had chosen wisely. The human was good at keeping him fed, keeping him clean, changing the sand in his Bathroom Place. And oh, Red shuddered again, did he give the nicest of scratches behind the ears! Oo and that one spot by the tail! Heavenly.

His Human certainly understood Red's needs, which were many, and constantly fulfilled them to Red's delight. In return, Red put up with the indignities of Brush Time, Bath Time, and the short trips they occasionally took to the Place of Poking. Red hated those trips. Shoved gracelessly into a cage, carried unceremoniously into the sharp smelling place reeking of other cats and dogs, and the complete humiliation of a strange human sticking sharp things into his skin and other things in places they didn't need to be stuck. He made sure His Human suffered for a day or two after THOSE trips.

Overall, though, Red knew he had a pretty good life. Occasionally His Human would come home, smelling different and unpleasant – never the same smell twice that he could tell. Red was always nicest to His Human on these days. His wonderful human seemed sad, even though he would smile and hold Red close. Red allowed these cuddles because he sensed His Human needed it.

"Another shitty date, Red," His Human would sigh. "I think I'm destined to be alone forever."

An indignant sound from Red might get a sad chuckle from His Human, even though Red didn't understand what His Human said. "I know. I have you, buddy."

Later that night, after His Human had showered off whatever awful odor had come home with him, Red would curl up against His Human in bed and comfort him as best he could. His Human took good care of him, so Red thought it only fair that he occasionally take care of him in return. And, Red hated to admit it, it did feel quite nice to be like this. His Human would lay on his right side, right paw stretched out on front of him, leaving a nice little spot in which Red could curl his body. His Human would then pet and stroke him, scratch under his chin and that spot in his armpits. On sad nights like this, Red would even allow a belly rub or two and purr to let His Human know that Red did love him.

Therefore, Red lived a good life with just His Human, but there were times he thought another human wouldn't be a bad thing. Humans needed other humans didn't they? Didn't His Human want another human in the house? Someone of whom Red approved? It would be nice to have someone else fawn over Red like he deserved.

Then the day arrived. Red lay curled up in His Human's bed. His Human was sitting in the Big Room doing something Red didn't quite understand with things in his paws that smelled bad. Red didn't like those days, so he would hide himself away in the Sleeping Place. The sun warmed the bed, so that was ok, and the only smell tantalizing his sensitive nostrils was whatever His Human was preparing in the Food Place. Red remembered that smell belonged to something he would very much like to try.

The knocking startled him out of his nap and he stood, stretched, yawned, turned around, and curled back up into a ball. Annoying humans. Always making noise. He couldn't drift back to sleep, however, as now there were voices speaking and keeping him awake. His Human should know better. It was strange, though. His Human was generally quiet in the house, unless he was speaking directly to Red, or looking at that thing he sometimes held in his paws.

Wait. Was that another voice too? Another human? Happy Sounds? That was unusual. Other humans rarely came into their home. Human-From-Before came a few times, with two female humans that Red didn't bother with either. He remembered two other humans, but Red didn't like their smell and they ignored him (the peasants). They didn't stay long – Red never saw them again - and Red had to give His Human extra love those two times to get a smile back on his face.

Red wouldn't dignify this New Human with an appearance just yet. One needed to be worthy in the first place, so Red would have to scope out the situation. He jumped down from the bed, stretched again (oh yes, that was a good stretch that sent a nice shiver through his muscles and caused a tiny sound to emerge from him), then padded over to the door to peek out and see what all the fuss was.

The New Human was interesting. Tall. Taller by a small bit than his own human. The fur atop his head wasn't as dark as His Human, but his eyes were brighter and the rest of him was darker where His Human was paler. New Human had a nice smile too, which he wore as he wandered around Red's home looking at things on the walls. Red did notice that his own human was in the Food Place and that New Human kept looking over at His Human. When he did, that smile would only grow. Red didn't think His Human even saw that.

New Human didn't notice Red at all as he wandered around, giving Red ample opportunity to judge him. His smell was pleasant, Red noted, something Red certainly wouldn't mind to have in his house more often. Red had a sense that he was kind too. He moved around their house easily and comfortably. He smelled nervous, too, as his own human did at times – especially those nights before he would leave for a few hours and come home disappointed.

Red didn't think humans knew that their emotions had smells to them. It was easy for Red to read His Human, and, by extension, other humans he was forced to meet. Red would normally ignore this, of course, because the other humans never smelled ok to him, but New Human wasn't bad. He was making his own human happy, Red perceived. Happy and nervous himself.

They were making noises at each other, some of it Red knew was Happy Sounds, but the other noises were how humans communicated. Such a barbaric and basic way of speaking, Red thought, with no inflection or musicality. Not like his own impressive vocal range. However, one couldn't expect much from humans. They did their best.

Red watched until the humans sat at the table and waited until neither of them were expecting him. Then he supposed he could make his grand entrance and show this New Human who the boss was in their home and put the New Human in his place. This New Human must understand that he would be here to serve Red's needs, just as his own human did, so might as well establish this right away.

He stood, stretched his limbs again, and puffed out his fur to make himself appear bigger. He shook himself, put on his most regal expression, and stalked into the room with his dignity and magnificence mustered.

He heard the approving sounds of New Human and took note of how New Human looked at him with the appropriate awed expression. Points to New Human for that, Red thought. At least New Human understood that one should stand in awe at such a specimen of feline. The floor was no place for Red to sit, however. Someone of his rank needed to be higher up and His Human had conveniently left an elevated stand to provide Red with a perch to observe the new one. His Human really was the best.

He jumped up and arranged himself properly, sat on his haunches, and propped his weight on his front paws. With another puff out of his fur, he curled his tail in front of him, and finally fixed his gaze on the New Human.

Even though the words were not comprehensible to Red, he couldn't mistake the tone in which New Human spoke. He was definitely awed by Red, as he should be. Another point for him. So far, so good. Red, of course, could not show his approval yet. It was a given that New Human should be in awe. He would have to do much more in order for Red to condescend to accept him into the home.

The two humans returned to eating and making noises at each other, but Red didn't mind. He could smell how happy both of the humans were. He, in fact, had never smelt this type of happy smell from his own human, and it was so pleasant that Red decided that the two humans were like baby kittens, unaware that they were supposed to give their full attention to him. He allowed it, because of how happy they seemed.

New Human also gained a point when Red finally jumped down from his perch in order to closer inspect him. He didn't think His Human noticed that New Human ducked a limb under the table to drop a piece of the delicious food to him. At least New Human knew his duty. His own human often failed at this, which really was the only disappointment he had with His Human. He made up for it in many other ways. But New Human knew the right thing to do. And oh was that nibble of food delicious!

Red kept an eye on the two humans the rest of the time they were at the table, but once they moved into the Food Place, Red figured it was time to let His Human know that he was a starving and abused cat and deserved food right now. He trailed into the Food Place after the humans and waited patiently, but they were STILL making noises at each other and had the audacity to ignore him. Red sighed. Now he had to vocalize his displeasure to His Human, as much as he didn't like to have to do that.

"MRROW!"

That simple statement served to convey all of his disappointment in not only His Human, but also this New Human that seemed full of possibility. The lift of the tone at the end also told His Human that he had better receive food now or His Human would regret it later that night.

The humans got the message, but surprised Red when New Human was the one to kneel before him and place his food in his dish. Other humans rarely fed him. One time, when His Human was gone for many sunrises and sunsets, some strange female human came each day to put food down. And while she tried to make friends with Red, he wasn't having it and was able to ignore her until she left. Sometimes Human-From-Before would feed him when they lived in the other place, but normally His Human was the one on whom this honor was bestowed.

Red didn't care, of course, as long as he got his food, but since this New Human was doing the right thing, Red rewarded him by rubbing up against him, a sure sign of his approval of the New Human. More points were added when the New Human scratched him behind the ears. Normally he wouldn't allow this. New Human hadn't earned his complete trust, but he WAS doing things the right way and Red did like his smell and thought it wouldn't be a bad thing if New Human stayed around. The thought made him purr as he batted his head against New Human's paw.

The humans left the house soon after, so Red took this time to curl up on the Soft Place in the Big Room. The sun was setting, so the light was starting to get weak, but he wanted to think over this new development in the life of him and His Human. It wasn't an unwelcome development, especially as he could tell how happy His Human seemed to be now. His Human was a good human and deserved to be happy and, more importantly, Red deserved another worshipper. Especially a worshipper who seemed to understand his role and his place, smelled so pleasant, and gave such nice scratches in the right place.

Where normally Red would nap at this time, his thoughts kept him awake until he heard His Human return. He twitched his ears as he recognized His Human's steps, so he stood up and made ready to head to the door. He knew His Human liked to be greeted when he returned, so Red tried to do it every time His Human came home. It was the least he could do.

Yet His Human and, Red could tell from the noises on the other side of the door, New Human stayed out there making noises at each other. Rude. Didn't His Human know he was waiting for him? Didn't he know that Red had important things to do? He hadn't even groomed himself since he went into the Sleeping Place and it was irritating him to have his fur out of place.

Red decided to give His Human a piece of his mind when he finally came in. When His Human came in and leaned against the door, Red jumped down and headed over to do just that, but when he reached His Human, Red caught a wave of such happiness that he was momentarily confused. While he had smelled the happiness earlier, it was nowhere near as strong as it was now. His Human was so happy that Red didn't have the heart to yell at him. New Human didn't come in with him, but Red could smell New Human still, on his own human, and it was a pleasant combination indeed.

He showed his approval by weaving through His Human's legs, then His Human had the audacity to pick him up. Red didn't really mind being picked up, especially when His Human did – so gently and lovingly – but it did have a small effect on his dignity. But right now, his happy human cuddled him up to his chest and, bathed in the happy smell of both His Human and New Human, Red began to purr.

"I think I've finally found "The One", Red."

Red didn't understand the whisper, of course, except for his name. That was the only sound His Human ever made that made sense. But Red sensed that His Human was communicating something happy to him, so he did what he had to do – approve with a loud purr and a "Mrrrow!" to let His Human know it would be ok.

* * *

Many sunrises and sunsets happened between that day and today. Now, at this point in time, where Red found himself curled up between the lower limbs of His Human and New Human. New Human was now a regular presence in their life, and His Human often smelled of New Human when he came home. Red thoroughly approved this.

New Human was also in their home a lot. In spite of wanting another worshipper, Red wasn't quite sure about this at first, but New Human proved to be an excellent minion. New Human rarely ignored Red, and New Human didn't completely take away the attention of his own human. His Human still worshipped him properly. Sure, His Human was gone more than usual, but Red thought that it was alright if this made His Human happy.

The nights when both of His Humans (because let's be honest, Red considered New Human as his now) were sitting on the Soft Place in the Big Room were especially nice. Red would choose a lap to sit on, but both of His Humans were good about giving him scratches and pets that brought about his deep purr of approval.

New Human once stayed all night until sunrise. That was nice too, though Red wasn't able to join His Humans on the Soft Place in the Big Room. They took up all the room and left NO place for him to lie. He at least got the bed in the Sleeping Place all to himself, though he did miss His Human. He made sure to check on His Humans a few times during the night, of course, because it was his duty to keep them safe. Red hoped that New Human would now stay permanently, but he didn't stay again for quite a few sunrises and sunsets.

One night, soon after that, his New Human fell asleep on the Soft Place. His Humans had been staring at the Noisy Box. New Human lay across the Soft Place with his lower limbs on top of His Human's lap. Red, who had padded into the Big Room from the Food Place, studied this situation for a moment. What was this? New Human had taken His Human's lap? New Human's lap was angled wrong, so where was Red supposed to lie down? The only potential spot seemed to be the middle part of New Human, the equivalent of Red's belly. So Red did just that. New Human's paw came up to gently pet Red as he settled – it was much more comfortable than he had assumed it would be – and Red heard the amused and soft Happy Sounds that indicated His Human's approval. Not that Red needed that, of course. Red didn't even mind when New Human fell asleep with his paw resting gently on Red's back because it felt that nice.

And now here Red was, waking up with his two humans. When the sun went away yesterday, both of His Humans went into the Sleeping Place and Red followed curiously. New Human had left for a short time and returned with some things in his paws and the pair were in the Sleeping Place, both smelling very nervous to Red. Red wondered over this, because they normally smelled happy. The whiffs of nervousness became less and less and the smells His Humans gave out were generally happy and content, so the return of the nervous smell was confusing.

Both got onto the bed and Red joined them. It was HIS bed after all. He just allowed His Human there. He was of two minds about whether or not to allow New Human to also share his Sleeping Place, but once he joined them, he was overwhelmed by the happy/content/nervous smell emanating from the pair lying there facing each other.

He padded up between the two to investigate. His Humans both made pleased sounds at him, soft Happy Sounds, interspersed with them both taking turns to scratch and pet him. Oh yes, this was very nice. Very. Why had they denied this to Red for so long? His Humans made soft noises at him and at each other, so Red did what seemed appropriate – curled onto his side with his back against His Human and pushing his paws against New Human.

More soft Happy Sounds floated above his head and His Humans upped their efforts to please him. He received an extended belly rub from His Human while New Human concentrated on his chin, jowls and behind his ears. Red would NEVER admit that he drooled (he did), nor would he ever admit that his purrs exceeded their normal volume (they did), but Red thought that this was the nicest of nights he'd ever had in the Sleeping Place.

However, even the best of humans have their limits, and Red could sense that both of His Humans were getting sleepy. The pets and scratches were slower, the noises they made were softer, and there were longer stretches between caresses. Red decided it was time to let His Humans rest. He hauled his bulk up onto his feet and stretched – he had been in that position a LONG time – and decided to go to his Bathroom Place and give himself a bath afterwards.

When Red finally returned to the Sleeping Place (after a bath and to check that all was right in his house), His Humans were asleep. His Human had his back pressed against New Human's front and New Human's limb was tossed carelessly across His Human's midsection. New Human nuzzled up against the dark fur of His Human and they both appeared to be blissfully happy. Red jumped up on the bed in front of His Human and sat on his haunches to watch them for some time. He was happy that His Human had become so content, but he was even happier with the addition of New Human to their lives. New Human fit nicely into their home and worshipped Red properly, which was all Red really needed.

He let them sleep, only slightly annoyed that His Humans left NO space between them this time for him, so he settled on a little hollow between their lower paws and tucked himself comfortably there. Even though His Humans were sound asleep, Red vocalized his approval of this new situation by purring himself to sleep.

* * *

Which led to this sunrise. Red needed a good long stretch, but His Humans were still asleep and in the exact position in which they had drifted off. This couldn't be comfortable for His Humans, though they still gave off a contented smell. His Human normally tossed and turned a lot, so to see His Human in the same position was a slight surprise for Red and he worried that His Human might need to stretch himself as well. His Human's lower paw was near enough for Red to reach out his own paw and touch his claws to it. Gently enough not to hurt, but Red knew small touches like this would eventually pull His Human from sleep – something Red used often when he was hungry or needed attention.

After another few minutes and a few twitches of His Human's toes, Red pressed his paw fully against His Human's paw and His Human stirred. Red's job was done – he could tell His Human was waking up and soon would get out of the bed and provide food in the Food Place. Unfortunately, once His Humans started making noises at each other and moving, Red was shoved disgracefully to the side by New Human's lower paw. A point taken away, though it didn't make much of an impact on his running total. New Human was still a Kit after all and still learning, so Red would excuse this. As long as New Human made it up to him.

It was even more disgraceful that His Human poked him until Red stood up and jumped off the bed voicing his discontent, though this happened every morning. Red still didn't like it, though it did signal that food was coming soon. With a twitch of his tail, Red stalked off to the Food Place, leaving His Humans to set his bed to rights and come out to do their duty to him.

Red settled next to his food dishes (sadly empty) and waited, thinking about His Humans. He was a lucky feline, he knew. Many cats never found the right kinds of humans that would worship them properly. He was happy and content that he had found not only one human, but also now this New Human who seemed so full of potential. He would definitely have to make it known to His Human that New Human was welcome to stay. Red was already laying the groundwork for that, by accepting the advances of New Human. Red would have to keep that up and show His Human that New Human had to be in their life.

Red definitely deserved that, he thought, as he waited patiently next to his bowl. He stood up in anticipation when he heard His Humans coming into the Food Place, making happy noises at each other and smiling. They were giving off such contented smells that Red started purring. And yes, His Human deserved this New Human too.


End file.
